Oh, what a month of joy! I have so many highlights for this month that the memories become fodder for my writing. I suppose as I reflect on the month, the best moments occurred when I visited my sisters in Maryland. Each day during the week I met with a group of enthusiastic journalism students at North Dorchester High School to teach them about publishing their work in magazines. What a delightful group! Their spirits soared and the joy they felt in meeting me and learning about a writer’s world was contagious. Several students from different classes stopped in and even other teachers that had an interest in publishing came by for awhile. I suppose the old saying is true; each of us has a book inside us waiting to be published.

In addition to my high school experience, my sister took me out to dinner to celebrate my birthday while I was in Maryland. That was such a fun time. I can’t remember the last time we were all four together for dinner without our husbands joining us. As a matter of fact, I don’t think it has ever happened before. We celebrated the time we had together and shared many wonderful memories of birthdays past.

Finally, I made reservations to travel to Vinal Haven, Maine this summer. That is the setting for my next book – Whitecaps. I want to experience first hand how life is on the island. I have made many wonderful contacts already. Phil Crossman, a writer and owner of the Tidewater Motel, has graciously helped me plan my week on the island so I can actually go out on a lobster boat and travel to the other small islands in the area with a friend of his that takes bird watching tours. The initial plans sound like fun and what an adventure!

Life is SOOOOO good and the LORD provides for those that love Him!

This month seems to have flown by and I find that my days are filled with teaching my online graduate course from Nova Southeastern University, completing assignments for the apprentice writing course I am taking from the Christian Writer’s Guild, and preparing for my visit to teach in a journalism class at a high school in Cambridge, Maryland. I also find time to care and to love Rob and Ray each day.

How did my life become so full again? Unlike a sleuth in the night that sneaks around and ponders where to land, my hours during the day are spent typing away and communicating through email and on the phone. I find that I want to serve God to the best of my capacity so I fill each hour with worthwhile endeavors. I am unsure where my efforts will take me but I am having the time of my life riding the wave of contentment.

I continue to pray daily, often many times throughout the day as I go from one task to another, and refine my relationship with God. I’ve found that turning my worries over to God has helped me feel lighter in spirit. He provides in so many ways. I have given up worrying and now let God be in control.

This month I have been inspired to pursue writing full time so that others will be able to learn from my experiences and see how God has lifted me up. I attended the Christian Writers Guild conference in Colorado the first weekend of the month. I learned so much and have found some answers to my prayers. It has been a little over a year since my son died and I often wondered whether I should return to the workforce full time. I realized at the conference that I can give back to others through my writing. I feel God has given me this talent and I want to share it with you.

I have started a second novel and find myself writing most days to be finished with it by August. It is contemporary fiction and has a bit of romance in it. My sister Nancy and I brainstormed one day on the beach last summer and I must say the story is truly awesome. She was a great help and really had some creative ideas about the plot. Stay tuned and I will comment about my book as I go along.

Finally, Ray and Rob took me to dinner on Valentine’s Day and I loved all the attention. My husband and son have so loved me since Doug’s death. I know they see how I have grieved for my first born. Their words of hope and love have helped me heal. I remember when I could not go an hour without crying. Now I can go a day or two and even smile some through those days. Life is returning to my soul but a piece of my heart is gone forever.

Shortly after midnight on January 11, 2007, the Lord called my son Douglas, to be with Him in Heaven. I had no warning that this would happen and no preparation to face life without Doug.

It has been a year since I received the phone call about Doug's death. I have learned how to grieve and how to sit in the quiet and recall precious memories of my son's life. Even though we only had seventeen years together, I can still remember happy times full of love for our family members. Unfortunately, the happy times are sometimes overshadowed by sad times when Doug and I struggled with his choices that affected his life in a negative way. Those memories are part of Doug and my life for eternity. The happy memories far outweigh the sad times. It has been a year since his death but to me it just seems like last week. I still yearn for his presence and my heart aches for him. I find that I don't cry as often except if you count every Sunday in church. For you see, I feel the closest to Doug in church. Even though he was not open with others about his faith, I know Doug loved God and he is now with Him in Heaven assisting as he can. I think Doug is in the hearts of many of his friends. Some stay in touch with me and they tell me that Doug is in their thoughts often. Hopefully, he is helping them make positive choices for their futures.

I find I start each day and end each day with prayer. I am thankful for each day but I don't make too many plans for the future because none of us are guaranteed another day on earth. I am trying to live in the present and be thankful for each day. I don't worry as much now because I know when God does call me home, I will be able to be with Doug again in Heaven. I loved him so much! Some day I will be able to see him and hold him again. Only God knows when.

This has been a month full of shopping, planning, gift giving and prayer. The days before Christmas blended easily from one to another. I found myself thinking of the joyous time my family had in Maryland visiting my folks and brothers and sisters and their families last year. Doug and Rob gave me the precious gift of their company for the entire week in Maryland. I loved sharing time with them and have such wonderful memories.

This year Kate and Brian joined Rob, Ray and me in Ocean City. My sister decorated her beach house and we loved the peacefulness of the area. The beach was deserted and there was no traffic as we have each summer. The house was quiet except for our laughter and fun filled days. Santa found us snuggled in our beach house. The entire time we spent in Maryland had a heavy dose of family love attached to each minute. The love and care I received from my family was the most precious gift of all.

I missed Doug but as usual I carried him with me in my heart. He was never out of my prayers and thoughts. I know he is enjoying the richness of heaven. He is safe and not in such a rush now. That holds some comfort for me. He will be with me as we experience each day of the New Year.

The first week of this month was spent in Aruba vacationing with our dear friends from Massachusetts. There were ten of us all together and we thoroughly enjoyed the balmy weather, sandy beach, cold Corona beers and delicious meals at night. Ray and I relaxed and read several books while we sat in lounge chairs and wiled away the day.

When we returned home, my book had been shipped from the publisher. I held it close to my heart for the first time. I have such mixed emotions about my book. I love that I was able to accomplish such a daunting task of writing a book but part of me wishes it was not prompted by Doug’s death. I read the pages again and again and relive each moment. I really did capture the details and the emotions of those two weeks around his death. I hope that through my writing other parents that have lost a child see that it is truly heart-wrenching for everyone. Only with God’s help was I able to survive.

I am beginning to market my book. I have materials being printed for a direct mailing and delightful bookmarks and business cards. In addition, I have sent emails to many friends to notify them that the book is finished and can be purchased. Finally, I have started to send out information to book stores in regard to book signings. It is a busy time for me. As you might expect, Doug is always in my heart. I’ve come to realize that I can talk to him as often as I like now and he is always with me. I know he is safe and is enjoying the richness of heaven.

We are having friends to our home over Thanksgiving. Ray is cooking and I am assisting. Rob will be working so we will not have our precious boys at the table this year. They will both be with us in spirit. I wish all of you a happy and peaceful Thanksgiving!

Dinner with an Angel

Today I returned from spending a week at the beach with Ray, Rob, and his friend, Joey. This was the first beach vacation we have had since Doug's death. Each day when I walked to the beach, memories of earlier summers fleeted through my mind. I remember how I would worry that both sons would go out on their boogie boards to far in the ocean. I could not rest or read when they were in the water. I had to watch them and make sure they were safe. This time I only had Rob to worry about. Rob has never been too keen on the ocean so he didn't go out too far and I didn't worry as much. Joey and Rob did not stay out on the boardwalk late each night so that was a little more relaxing for me and my stress level was reduced.

We stayed with Nancy and Tracy. They were very gracious and we felt very welcomed. Tracy took us marlin fishing one day. Ray and I loved the fresh air, salt water, and boat trip. I'm not so sure Rob and Joey were thrilled since they got a little sea sick. We didn't catch any fish but the day was relaxing.

I thought of Doug so often and how he loved the beach and the ocean. I remembered how he and his cousin Brittaney, would enjoy the beach and the boardwalk. They were special to each other and looked so much alike. They could have posed for a magazine shoot. I'm sure Brittaney missed Doug as we all did this summer at the beach. His spirit travels with me everywhere I go. I miss him so much.

Today we returned from spending a week in MA. I am tired from our travels but find myself reliving each joyous memory from Kate and Brian's wedding. If a wedding could be perfect, I think Kate and Brian had the very best effort at making that happen. Kate was beautiful and radiated her love for Brian. Brian was very handsome in his tux and you could tell he adored his bride. Ray and Rob wore tuxes and were proud to take part in their special day. I loved being there and watching all the action.

Speaking of action, you should have seen my family dance and enjoy the reception. I think Kate and others wanted to hire them to attend other weddings because they livened up the reception and thoroughly enjoyed themselves. We all had fun and enjoyed our day. Grandpa danced with the pretty daughters and the bride. Grandma watched with lots of smiles on her face.

Doug was with us that day. Kate had set pictures of her and Doug and Brian's parents on a memorial table with decorative candles lighting the area. She also placed a beautiful photo of Doug at each place setting and told everyone about the love she had for her brother. Ray and I were really moved with her thoughtfulness and outpouring of love for Doug. He was at her wedding in spirit and probably stood near her and Brian in the church. He was missed that day but his spirit was in our hearts.

Doug, remember the words to this little song I sang to you when you were a baby? It's from the Mercer Myer book, "I'll Love You Forever."
I'll love you forever, I'll like you always....
As long as you're living you'll always be my baby...
You'll always be my son.

Mom